It’s been a while. Hey, how are you?!
Insert massive hug.
Seth has been saying, “Babe, you gotta do an A and J!” on and off for a while now and my response has consistently been, “I know but I have nothing to write about.” And then last night he said, “BABE. You gotta blog. You know? YOUR BLOG? Remember? You have a BLOG?” Annoyed, I shot him a look. “Babe. You can’t quit.”
So, here I am. Blogging. Kind of.
Have I really had nothing to write about? No. I suppose I’ve had plenty to write about. As a parent of two miniature sumo wrestlers, a wife of a comedian and, well, a woman of the Midwest (hahahaha – what if that’s how I referred to myself in real life?) there’s always something. But sometimes in life you just hit a lull, a rut. You get in a funk and everything seems off. That’s where I’ve been. Going through the motions and nothing more. Trying to write anything started to feel like another task I wasn’t sure was even worth completing. Spending eight hours a day, five days a week in a toxic environment will do that to you.
That’s all I’m going to say about my last six months in a job that was, at best, a poor fit. If you ever find yourself in a toxic job (or a relationship, friendship, life situation) that makes you miserable, and you have the ability, leave. We spend ⅓ of our lives working. Feeling mediocre, wasting your skills and your positivity at a place that isn’t a fit — even if it was at one point — is not worth it.
If you don’t have the ability to leave, make it a point to take care of your mind. Toxic people create toxic environments and regardless of how rough it gets, you can’t lose sight of your worth and your potential. Being in a shitty situation doesn’t make you a lesser person unless you allow it to. And then, when you are able, get the fuck out of there.
Treat yourself with respect.
Taking care of ourselves and those around us can look like a lot of different things, depending on where we are in our lives, our months, our weeks and our days — but if I know anything, it’s that whatever that is, whatever that looks like, it’s the most valuable thing we can do. And it’s worth continually working on.
Hopefully this is a new beginning of more effortless living, and writing.
So, yeah, I’ve been in a rut. Thank goodness for my friends and family who are lovingly hoisting me out. And of course Seth, who is bringing A+J back via peer pressure. That’s what partners are for, right? Annoying the shit out of you until you do what you need to do? JK. JK. JK. (Kind of.)
But even ruts have highlights and here are a few of those:
- Bot is fully potty trained. Sleeping in big boy underwear and pooping in the potty. This is a big parenting win for Seth and I.
- I’m officially starting the next chapter of my career in October and I feel really good about it. Hence the “blogging” today. Such a tiny thing but still a big win for me (and everyone around me).
- Matty is growing. Like, he’s basically grown (which I know is not actually true but it’s beginning to feel heavy like that). I’ve been worrying (and crying) too much about sending him to Kindergarten next year. He’s on the age cutoff — I could send him or keep him in Pre-K. On one hand he’s a genius (in my eyes, of course, because I’m biased), on the other hand he’s sensitive and I can’t help but project all of my terrifying, bullied baggage onto him. I don’t want to put him in a situation he’s not fully equipped to survive and, yet, I don’t know if we’re ever fully equipped to handle how terrible people can be. After all, I turned out okay? This is going to be a process for all of us. This is, of course, both a highlight and a lowlight (parenting in a nutshell?).
- This past weekend I got to kickoff what I’m guessing will be the best two weeks of 2018. I will consider this the end of the shortest and possibly shittiest chapter in my adult life and I’m grateful to have gotten to — and to get to — spend it with some of my favorite people in my favorite places.
- Seth and I celebrated our two-year anniversary! To celebrate I wore a sweet shirt with Seth’s face all over it to see Taylor Swift. Seth, of course, didn’t go to see T. Swift with me but I got a ton of compliments from strangers on my shirt, which was weird because they obviously have no idea who Seth is but it still oddly increased my faith in humanity. Some days it feels like we’ve been married an eternity, other days it feels like it’s not too late to jump ship. JK JK JK. (Kind of.) Here’s to a million more, Sethy.