Buzzed buddies was a weekly series where I hand over the reigns to Seth, he or a guest gets comfortably inebriated and write a guest post on any chosen topic. Seth loves whiskey, short walks to the park, our boys, his friends and cinema (his wording not mine. This week Seth gives us the top five things he’s loving. Good luck following along – he can legitimately be down right confusing sober, let alone tipsy. Also, please let it be known his opinions are his own – i.e., Ruff Riders Anthem?? – and also, he’s full of shit 97% of the time.

So, without further ado, I give you Seth.

My last post I came in with a legendary quote from Eminem so I feel like I should start my entrance with a theme song that kind of goes with the….theme? I can’t embed shit (but I can in-bed shit…obviously…two kids in 18 months…boom), so Megan embed Ruff Riders Anthem. No specific reason but that song is seriously awesome

Last week I gave a pretty intense view into a person that killed their kid by leaving them in the car and after spinning it around in my head I’ve decided not to apologize to that idiot because I still hate her.

I was watching Casablanca to make this a lighter mood because I want to be positive on this blog…but then I realized that my satellite only recorded half of it so now I am ready to give my top 5 things that pissed me off this week…..the thing is I can’t get that scene out of my head where Rick says, “Here’s looking at you…you sneaky little two-timing bitch”

That is what he should have said to her. She is honestly one of the worst people in movie history…but that’s neither here nor there…positivity baby.

Here’s the top 5 things that I absolutely love this week:

  1. Zookeepers with sniper rifles – you’ve heard it, I’ve heard it…you’ve seen it, I’ve seen it. That gorilla wasn’t protecting shit….he had one thing on his mind and that was “find a place to pop this kids head off and eat him”. I still can’t defend the mom here either because when I am at the zoo, I am on code red for an animal eating my kids. But for some reason I feel like Matheson could survive in a gorilla pit for a couple months – he picks his ass and eats nothing but fruit all day, so I think he’d fit right in. Oh, that and he is a solid ball of muscle.
  2. Air conditioning – guys, I’m fat and even when I was skinny I ran hot so you can imagine how I feel about summer coming now. Air conditioning to me is like pain pills was to Prince – I can’t survive without it. If it’s 50 degrees outside and we’re driving a long distance, I am sneaking the dial to the blue section on the temp control all day. It really sucks living in the apartment I live in because our window units only cool two rooms – HA just kidding it’s the living room and my bedroom…..the two rooms I spend 99.9% of my time in OH MY GOD MATTY AND ABBOTT SUCK IT. Kidding.
  3. Dark chocolate – not for me….I hate that shit. It tastes like someone is rubbing my tongue on train tracks but when it comes to a woman, that time of the month, this stuff is pretty much Prince’s pills or my air conditioning (TIME OUT I JUST SAW A TRAILOR FOR THE CONURING TWO AND I HAD TO TURN ON A LIGHT SonG1) this stuff pretty much just hypnotizes Megan and makes her act like she likes me for 20 minutes so I try to kiss her, lay in bed and go to sleep before it wears off.
  4. Sears Auto Center – Yeah, I paid too much for my brakes and then we had to take the car back because they fucked something up but Randy is MY MAN at Sears strictly because he stuffs Megan in a locker (barstool reference) every time he talks to her. She is usually pretty witty and can’t really be picked on because she murders people with her words but Rand-Dawg owned her ass. Made me realize that I should probably be more manly because I am a total bitch when we get into arguments. Gotta grow a mustache and learn car stuff.
  5. Last but not least it’s time to get serious. June is a great month for me because it’s the month my son was born almost two years ago but it’s also a tough one because it’s also the same month/year I lost my Gpa Walt. Not going to say much because there isn’t enough time or room on this word document. Best man there will ever be and I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that he never got to hold my kids. Then again, his hulk hands would have probably injured them!

One more thing that has nothing to do with any of this but I really just caught myself looking at my man boobs and wondering what size bra I’d wear………day one starts Monday.

Also, the direct TV commercial with Bon Jovi pisses me off and I haven’t been able to listen to his music since the first time I watched it.

I leave you with these words from ole GPa Stanton – “God Damn it Seth. Use your head”

 

Just another week in the life…