What better day for a buzzed buddy than a Friday?! Buzzed buddies is a weekly series where I invite a friend to get comfortably inebriated and write a guest post on any chosen topic. I don’t edit or filter the posts in fear of losing originality and humor, so read at your own discretion. I am SO excited to introduce today’s/this week’s buzzed buddy, the first female to join the ranks. She is my spirit animal, a terrible influence and also one of the best people I know. She’s as hilarious as she is fun. She hates all things hippie and loves everything Hawkeye. (Duh.) She taught me all about the hoop game – no, not bball, we’re talkin’ earrings. Hoops4L.
I just LUH her!
So without further ado, I give you Abby and a snippet of the mortifying (magical) moments we’ve shared. She was also “gracious” enough to choose the photos.
It took me a loooooong time to decide just what topic I wanted to cover here on Abbott + June, but it finally came to me, just as I’m sitting in my bed, drinking wine out of a bottle at 1:38 pm on a Thursday.
I’ve decided I’m outlining my wild and longstanding friendship with the amazing creator of this here blog. (How redneck did that sound? REAL REDNECK)
Megan and I became friends while we both worked at a daycare in college. Pause for all of you to be like, Wait, WHAT, these two worked at a daycare? Yeah. We did. And we fucking crushed it, y’all. I was set to graduate from Iowa soon after Megs and I met, so most of our stories come from later in college and/or post college. This is probably a good thing, because I am quite sure if we had met in our ‘coming out’ years, one or both of us would be dead.
Before I share some of the highlights of Megan’s and my friendship, I’d like to make you all aware that most of these aren’t actually my own memories. It usually takes a basketball team in order for me to piece together a night of drinking, but (as many of you know), Megan is an obsessive picture taker, so that helps.
Exhibit A: This highlight of the friendship started off with me coming back to Iowa City for a visit, and hanging out with my girl, E Woz. And by hanging out, I mean licking Goldschlager off a table before heading to a party to play flippy cup with Busch Light. I know. It’s Iowa, people. Iowans heart Busch Light. Megan was at said party. This happened to Megan when leaving the party:
2006? To clarify, that is not puke, I spilled my giant-ass to-go cup (seen in the lower left-hand corner) when I tripped down the curb (seen in the background). Thankfully, these nice gentlemen I don’t know were there to assist while I obviously was still having the time of my life.
Exhibit B: Megan’s first visit to Denver. I can’t remember many details (see above), but I do know that at one point, I had the girl downtown, and she was running up and down the block, refusing to get in a cab. She often refers to this event as ‘having one-woman relay races downtown Denver’ and I refer to it as ‘trying to catch a jellyfish on a teeter totter’… eventually some dude(s) pulled up, and helped me get her in their car, and were going to take us home. Obviously, the jellyfish escaped at one point, but the boys were able to get her in the car again. We finally ended up at my house.
I woke up the next morning to open my computer and found “Can you board a plane without an ID?” in the Google search box. There was also a classic underwear-in-purse mix-up, a missing cell phone, and a desperate scramble to find the guys from the night before to recover said cell phone on the way to the airport.
Exhibit C: Megan and two of our other friends came to Denver. This trip involved spending hours curling her own hair plus everyone else’s (Megan), puking margaritas at a Mexican restaurant, then proceeding to wipe eyeliner/tears and immediately take a tequila shot (me), running into a glass door (Megan), and (more than likely, but never confirmed by a medical professional) breaking a rib (me).
2009? Can we talk about the glow-in-the-dark cover-up I have all over my face? Thanks.
Exhibit D: Megan came out to Denver for my 29th ‘golden’ birthday. Started out with a Champajama party at my apartment. 14 bottles, a buncha bitches, and Megan brought me my HangoverGatorade in my Hawkeye wine glass, because she is one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
We headed out for queso and margs for recovery the next day (Megan is a queso connoisseur if you didn’t know), and met up with some of Megan’s friends who also live in Denver. They’re vegans, so I don’t remember (or care to know) anything else about them, but I do know that I spent about 20 minutes actually taking a nap in the bathroom. On a toilet. Like, my pants were on. I was just using the toilet as a seat and the stall walls as pillows. I bounced back, obviously. Bounced back with fish bowls at the next bar. One for each of us. Because we are Megan and Abby and we don’t share drinks. With anyone.
I could obviously go on and on about my stories of partying with Megan, but I know you are all a) bored to tears and/or b) terrified at this point, so here’s just a short list of things that didn’t quite make the cut…
*Vegas: fake eyelashes because the real ones had been singed off (Megan) and being detained in a Vegas club/hotel hallway (me).
Again, thank you.
*Chicago for Hawkeyes: just puke. Lots of it.
*Maquoketa, IA: $28 Taco John’s bill (joint effort). Note: there are loooooots of other MaqTown stories but our good friend, Kate, would be best to tell those.
*Chicago for long Cubbie weekend: a positive pregnancy test (Megan) and trying not to puke on the El (me).
*Omaha: a Black Velvet colon cleanse (I assume both of us?)
Man, that was one fun walk down memory lane (for me anyway)…. Megs- you book that ticket to Denver yet? Start the countdown, B.
Oh, and this whangdoodle has had my named saved in her phone as ‘Abracadabra’ with a bunch of heart emojis since like 2007.
ABBY, THIS IS FOR YOU.
Sincerely, Cordially, Forever Yours – STACY IS MISSING.
HAPPY FRIDAY ALL. I hope you have as much fun as Abby and I do EVERY TIME we’re in the same place.