Buzzed buddies is a weekly series where I invite a friend to get comfortably inebriated and write a guest post on any chosen topic. March Madness officially kicks off this week, so I’ve invited my fellow English major/birthday buddy/parent of the year, Brandon, to impart upon all of us his basketball expertise and tutor us in bracketology 101. I don’t edit or filter the posts in fear of losing originality and humor, so read at your own discretion. 

Now without further ado, I give you Brandon.

March Madness 2016

I was watching a women’s basketball game last night. Just kidding. March madness games are my favorite sporting events besides Cubs games and Wimbledon because you never know what you are going to get, from blowouts to last second shots. Cubs are winning the World Series this year. Roger Federer is going out on top with a Wimbledon Championship as well. I look forward to one shining moment every year. Google it if you’ve never seen it. Anyone who bets on my pics and wins owes me a shot of rumpy. As far as the tourney goes, Cal is going to the sweet sixteen, possibly elite eight.  You have the Marriott guarantee on that. Villanova sucks every year, so don’t trust them. Jay Wright is beautiful though.  Don’t be fooled by his good looks.  He can’t coach under pressure and will lose early. You know who else is lovely, my wife.  Seth did this article first and dropped a lot of F Bombs. The only one I would drop in this is that I hate Kansas. Why would good players pick Kansas.  I’ve been to Lawrence and it blows. Mizzou is terrible this year and self-imposed a postseason ban in a season where they had no chance to make the postseason. Genius. Fuck Kansas.

Seeding and Moronic Committee

VCU should be playing Texas. VCU is a 10 seed and if they were an 11, they would play Texas, whom is now coached by Shaka Smart.  Flop them and the 10 seed Northern Iowa, and you have a must watch game. Morons. Texas is going to lose. FYI. VCU will crush Oregon State and then Buddy Hield will lead the Sooners past VCU.

Oregon got a 1 seed bc they are the only team in the western part of the US with a good record. Sorry Utah fans, if there are any. That is besides my California Golden Bears that are going far. St Joes or Cincy have a good shot at beating them in round 2.  Oregon sucks.

Virginia shouldn’t have to see Michigan State again, but they will. Evil Committee. Michigan State will win again.

Miami will lose to Buffalo. Buffalo should have been a 10 or higher. They are good. I love Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas. And Don Beebe.

Sleeper Picks

Providence is going to beat North Carolina in the second round. Dunn is a stud. Roy Williams will cry bc he broke rules at Kansas, F Kansas, and North Carolina, F Carolina, and still tries to use his southern drawl to make people adore him.

Seton Hall is really good. Pick them to go far. Gonzaga stinks. Don’t pick Seton hall to go too far, but they could. Vodka Tea.

Maryland. If Melo Trimble stops turning the ball over, they win it all, possibly.

Big 12- Don’t be surprised if they have 3 Final 4 teams. That’s how my second bracket turned out. They only had 2 in my first.

If Iowa gets by Temple and plays well, look out, but I bet Temple wins. I just put this on here for my Hawkeye friends. Iowa has no chance v Temple.

Winner Picks.

The winner of Baylor/Duke makes the final four.

Maryland

Fuck Kansas, but they are going.to win

 

Well. There you have it – Rock, chalk, Jayhawk…

BUT, you know what I say?!

ROCK, JOK, GO HAWKS!

 

Thanks Brandon – I’ll have shots of Rumplemintz ready for you. M I Z…