F* It

I have been asking Seth for a date night for what feels like 17 years and for the last two months, every time I’ve mentioned it he’s said, “We’re having one in, like, two weeks!”

Since we’ve become parents everything is “like, two weeks” away regardless of whether it’s next week, next month or three months from now. Well, the date night he’s been referring to for the past three months (which is actually a mini trip) is finally actually next week and, in true Megan and Seth fashion, we’re butting heads about it.

Seth and I raise two kids together, we manage a load of housework, we balance school schedules, work schedules and life schedules — we keep everything together and moving while still managing to have some fun. We do plenty of things well together but there is one big thing we don’t do well together at all and that’s travel. Our differences are never more glaringly apparent than when we’re preparing to travel or in the middle of a trip with no scheduled plans.

Seth is practically allergic to spontaneity and, while I’ve gotten much better at making plans, much of me still prefers to roam and wander when I travel. This isn’t to say Seth is a prude as much as it is to say, I have a tendency to want to have too much fun which can (but doesn’t always?) impact our bank account and, as my CFO, Seth isn’t always on board. This difference alone usually spurs arguments before we even go anywhere. Next week’s trip for example is “planned” in the sense that we have an outline but it’s still pretty fluid in terms of how many nights we’re staying in each place, where exactly we’re staying and what we’re doing.

We have one set plan: A barn concert in the middle of nowhere and camping in a corn field.

After that, our plans include a drive to my alma mater and a stay (or two?) in the city that holds my heart. But other than that, I really just planned on a bunch of “romping around” — but as you can imagine, “romping” doesn’t exactly fit into Seth’s definition of “plans”. So last night he informed me I would need to put together an itinerary and then he would tell me what I “can and cannot do”.

I’m sure as you can imagine, that didn’t go over very well.

Travel might be our kryptonite. But I’m starting to realize that in our marriage there are just some things we won’t share. Seth will probably never feel comfortable traveling and experiencing places as haphazardly and freely as I do. He’s a cautious guy. And I will probably never love going fishing or watching golf (snoozefest, USA). But I can respect that he loves those things and needs those things just like he can respect that sometimes I need to get away with my friends, who are more than happy (and unafraid) to “romp around” and let our adventures unfold. 

Maybe over time it will get better and my carefree ways will start to wear off on him (or maybe his cautious ways will continue to wear off on me) but for the time being I’ll share this article with all my carefree travel buddies and let them swoon for a bit and try to put together a very loose itinerary that will appease Seth and not completely tie us (aka me) down. 

I mean, everyone has some sort of weird and lame marriage kryptonite (that’s not at all really relationship-ending), right?

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