Over the weekend we shipped the boys up to my parents house. A trip to their house is my kids’ idea of paradise. First of all, around here we refer to it as “the compound” because it’s not just their house, it’s three combined plots of land where my auntie M, my parents and my brother and his wife all have houses. The compound is set cozily atop a hill in the country nestled between two Iowa small towns. They do a lot of shit there that kids can’t get enough of – they have what we call “the pond house” which is literally a greenhouse top over a beautiful pond full of koi fish and surrounded by lush plants I couldn’t identify if my life depended on it; they have two actual greenhouses where they grow a bunch of produce, house a worm farm (and I’m not even sure that’s what it’s actually called), baby koi and spiders the size of tangerines that look terrifyingly exotic but can’t be killed because “they’re good for the tomatoes” (or something like that). To the boys, in comparison to living in the city, I’m sure it’s like taking a trip deep into the rainforest where they get to see things they’ve only ever read about. Where adults actually dig in the dirt, grown women don’t bathe in bug spray before they leave their house and no one bats an eye at the presence of uninvited critters. There are no sirens, no honking horns, no traffic, no weird neighbors asking if they can spare 50 cents for the bus. To them, it’s wondrous and heavenly.
Anyway, this weekend they went ghost hunting and dino hunting where I’ve been told Matty caught every single one of them with a giant pond-cleaning net while Abbott assisted him by dancing and swinging a bat to the Ghost Buster theme song. There’s always one in the group, amiright? They had a great time staying up too late, getting everything they wanted and calling all of the shots. So, needless to say, last night’s episode of GOT took Seth and I well over an hour and a half to get through thanks to a literal interruption every five minutes. BUT we did finally get through it and here are this week’s fanmom takeaways:
- Jon and Dany FINALLY met and it was pretty much everything I could have hoped for. Jon didn’t kneel. Dany finally said the quote we’ve been hearing all season in the trailers. We get it, you’re meant to rule the world. But the best part of all of it has nothing to with her at all. Tyrion’s love crush on Jon Snow is everything. EVERYTHING. Could they be any cuter?! Also, real quick, am I the only one worried Dany might fall in love with Jon Snow? I CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE INCEST, YOU GUYS. I don’t care what century it is.
- This is extremely unimportant but what the fuck is up with Varys’ eyes? Is he on something? I wanted so badly to have the power to pause his conversation with the red witch just so I could ask him to stop doing that with his face, but specifically his eyes. I mean, she’s a witch did he really think he would mesmerize her to tell him something with his weird beady eyes? Dude, you’re not Kaa and this isn’t the Jungle Book. This is HBO and you’re on Game of Thrones, chill with the crazy eyes.
- Let’s get this one over with. Sansa wasn’t a complete waste this week. Is she still weak and do I still think she’ll give in to Little Finger’s weird accent and weasely self? HA. Obviously, but this week I’m choosing not to fixate on it. I also am just so grossed out by Little Finger that I can’t even talk about him.
- BRAN RETURNED HOME AND HE NEEDS TO TALK TO JON SNOW. We all know what he needs to tell him. I’m just curious if Bran will be the first to fill him in or if a dragon will mysteriously befriend him and give it away. Three-eyed ravens are weird as fuck but so very badass. OH, while I’m thinking about it – one more thing about Sansa, I don’t care who the rightful heir is, DON’T YOU TRY TAKE THE NORTH FROM JON SNOW! HE DIED AND CAME BACK TO LIFE FOR THAT SHIT.
- Euron is so gross. Talk about total raper vibes. Ewwww. I hope the dragons set him on fire sooner than later.
- WHERE IS ARYA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
- Casterly Rock was a win and a fail? I’m still a little confused about how that’s going to play out and my only hope is that the dragons come? As you can tell, when in doubt I just sort of hope the dragons will have the answer.
- Speaking of Casterly Rock, QUEEN TYRELL FTW. Yes, Jaime, please sail back to King’s Landing and tell Cersei immediately that old lady Tyrell killed your son Joffrey – not the brother you freed from jail who then killed your dad. WOW. What a way to go out. I probably laughed harder than I should have. What can I say GOT brings out a whole different side of me?
- And speaking of Cersei, she is a special kind of evil. But I don’t know if I hate her as much as I should, to be honest. She’s definitely evil but she’s not dumb and she’s a little bit of a badass? Elaria just chose the wrong bitch to mess with and now she’s paying for it, in the absolute worst way possible. WHO WILL DEFEAT CERSEI? Probably the dragons…just sayin’
- SAM. Sam saved Jorah who’s now going to find Dany and maybe meet Jon Snow. What’s next for Sam? SAVING THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD. Too much?