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SHIT.

Let me get my emotions in check here.

FUCK.

HOLY SHIT. JEEEE-SUS.

Phew. Deep breaths. Fuuuuuuck.

You guys. FUUUUUUCK.

Ok. God. Christ, sorry about dumping all of that on ya. I mean, I know you have to feel the same. Fuck.

I am covered in sweat and surrounded by snotty, tear-y tissues.

Okay.

First things first…

ALL HAIL THE REAL MFing QUEEN. Since she was a baby girl just trying to swing Needle — which for the record, because I’m legit not all here right now, I swore was called Piccolo (I think I’ve been listening to too much Lizzo and that damn flute) — I HAVE KNOWN IN MY HEART she was THE ONE. ARYA MOTHERFUCKING STARK. Every pet I ever own will be named after Arya Stark. I’m honestly not even sure if every thought I have for the rest of my life WON’T somehow have something to do with Arya but i do kind of hope not because after a while that would be really fucking weird.

Ok. So, even though I spent a lot of this episode wondering what just happened — and by a lot of this episode, I mean ALL OF IT. I mean, it was in the fucking dark and from the moment Jorah (💔) led the first guys into the thralls of death, I was confused. Was it just me or did Jorah look like he’d lost all of the features on his face when he rode back after that first scene. It was probably really just our slow AF internet but that is for sure where my confusion started and it didn’t end until Arya flew out of the dark sky and into the hands of the Night King. And even then, it didn’t really end.

My biggest question is: Is Arya the prince who was promised? And if so, why was the witch able to bring Jon back? And really, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Fuck. So badass.

It really was a blur. Literally and figuratively. I’m not sure any of the dragons are still alive. We said goodbye to Jorah, Theon, Beric and Lyanna Mormont (dude, what a badass way to go!) but it really feels like everyone is pretty much still alive. Again, I can’t be sure because it was dark and the dead summoned a winter blizzard but there are A LOT more people still alive than I guessed there’d be going into it.

Guys. Why is Jon is ALWAYS just like running around half dead putting himself in situations where he’s DEFINITELY going to die. I guess probably because he SOMEHOW always doesn’t die? When the dead raised up around him — well, and everyone else — I honestly wondered for a minute how anyone was going to live. Thanks to Dany, he lived. And then thanks to her heart eyes for Jon, her dragon nearly (and possibly did) died and Jorah actually DID die, doing what he loved most though, defending the mother of dragons.

The red witch came back this episode as we knew she’d have to and HOLY FUCK was she legendary. Almost shit myself when she was trying to light the trenches on fire. CHRIST. Was the Lord of Light on a lunch break?! What took so long?! I teared up when the red witch reunited with Arya to ultimately remind her how fucking boss she is — because even the hardest qweens need that amidst a war with literal dead people. NOT TODAY, YOU ICE COLD MOTHERFUCKER.

The crypt wasn’t safe because — SHOCKER — the dead came to life. It was Sansa and Tyrion who were painted to be the “warriors of the crypt”. Let’s be serious, they had very little competition as half of them were children and if it wasn’t for Arya giving Sansa a piece of dragon glass, she’d very possibly been upstaged by the little girl who wanted to fight in last week’s episode. But can we just for a minute point out how unaffected Varys is by EVERYTHING?! He always has the same look on his face. It’s like Zoolander meets a monk in contemplation. Or is it just me??

ANYWAY, obviously way bigger fish to fry this week than the incestual relations between Auntie Dany and Cousin Jon but I’m sure that will play out when they take the war to the evil witch of the south, Cersei, and gross ass Euron. I’m going to guess as this week’s way too early prediction that Yara gets the final pleasure of killing him.

GUYS. Three episodes left and I’m not sure I have any more emotions to spare. But we obviously still have to find out Dany’s pregs and see Jaime kill Cersei so I have to prep myself. But let’s be serious, will any of it beat tonight’s episode? CAN IT?! 

 

**pictured above – the proudest (and hottest) dead fictional dad to have ever existed.