I HAD DREAMS ABOUT DRAGONS LAST NIGHT, YOU GUYS. And it’s about GD EFFING TIME. I watched GOT twice last night (well, one and a half times but I’m counting watching the battle scene four times and Arya’s fun little dance with Brenna twice as one whole show). That’s how insanely good (and way overdue) last night’s shenans were. I actually think I’m still having an adrenaline rush – I don’t really know how I even slept!
OKAY. Let’s do this.
- MOST IMPORTANTLY: DANY. CAME. TO. PLAY. Finally. FINALLY! Daenerys, MOTHER OF DRAGONS, finally pulled her beautiful blonde hair out of her tush, became as frustrated as the rest of us, rallied her rabid army of Dothraki soldiers, jumped on her dragon and started a war. First I thought the sound of the Dothraki coming across the desert was the best. BUT THEN, when I honestly started to wonder if we’d ever see these MFing dragons in action, there was a high pitched scream followed by a giant figure appearing out of the dust overhead and I’m pretty sure because I didn’t know what to do with myself I laughed a maniacal laughed and jumped to the edge of the couch. AND THERE IT WAS. DANY RIDING A DRAGON INTO WAR. #dreamsdocometrue
- Jaime. Is Jaime dead? No. Because this is Game of Thrones and even though every other decent human being (well, and non decent human being) has died suddenly, Jaime is like the fucking black cat of Game of Thrones – he could get captured and never get fed and still somehow survive looking ruggedly handsome, well nourished and behaving as boring as ever. I mean, he seriously should have died 13 times by now but instead he had his hand cut off. Bronn will save him and still never get a castle because WINTER IS STILL FUCKING COMING.
- But Bronn is still sweet AF and I can’t wait for him to reunite with Tyrion. YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.
- LET’S JUST ALL BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS: Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen, aunt and uncle, are already head over heels smitten with each other. They are one more intense eye stare away from being naked in the caves of dragon glass. I mean, we already know Jon Snow likes getting busy in caves. RIP YIGRETTE. Is it sick? Yes. Is it distracting? Yes. BUT IS IT MEANT TO BE? Obviously.
- So the war was cool and obviously a showstopper but you know what was cooler? ARYA FUCKING STARK showing off her sword tricks while Sansa stared at her with evil eyes and Little Finger drooled ever so slightly out of his weird pervy lips. I have the biggest girl crush on Arya Stark and I’m fairly certain she’s probably just going to kill the entire Army of white walkers by herself. YOU GO GIRL.
- Speaking of Arya and Sansa. I can’t tell if Sansa was being serious when she told Arya that yes she needed to call her Lady Stark but either way, what a bitch. Honestly, Westeros would be a much better place if her and Little Finger would just run off to the woods together, run into Nymeria and her wolf pack and never be heard of again. I know that sounds cold and heartless but let’s be serious, Sansa got Ned Stark the hottest Stark of them all murdered in season one and ever since she’s been ramping up to become a mini version of Cersei. The world only needs one Cersei, okay?
- Now onto Little Finger. Bran Stark may be a bird now who’s seen everything and acts weird AF but all hope is not lost. Last night he put Little Finger in his place REAL quick and I can only hope we get to see more of it in the future. I mean, if Little Finger isn’t going to die anytime soon.
- Jon Snow saw Theon for the first time since he became a shitty traitor (and paid a hefty price) and, just as anyone could have guessed, he didn’t kill him – thanks to Sansa still being alive (BARF). I’m interested to see how this Theon still being around plays out or maybe I should rephrase that what possibly value he could possibly have in the end of this.
- One pause for Sam Tarly’s brother Dickon. He seems like maybe he’s one of those dumb as a box of rocks but gets the girls anyway kind of guys (for obvious reasons) but my thought is that he’s either going to have a heart of gold like Sam and betray the Lannisters or he’s going to end up in bed with Cersei (because who doesn’t?).
- PREDICTIONS FOR THIS WEEK: Jon finds out he’s a Targaryen (sparing the rest of us a cave session), Bronn and Tyrion reunite, Jaime lives.
Am I the only one drafting recovery plans for after GOT is over. We’re getting too close to the end. I’m losing a bit of my mind.