Every now and then we all wake up to a devastatingly dark day, usually marked by the unexpected loss of someone gone too soon. They’re the days you hug the ones close to you a little bit tighter and hang on a little bit longer while your mind unravels to confusing places. One minute you’re furious at the things it’s too late to change and devastated by the questions you can’t answer, the next minute you’re crippled by the weight of your sadness as it drapes itself over everything you’ve ever known as familiar.
Even when the loss doesn’t seem like it’s ours to mourn, just knowing it belongs to somebody we love dearly can be paralyzing. There aren’t any right words and even a hug can feel like a loaded gesture. After all, superheroes are just like us; they, too, become impossibly fragile when stricken by grief.
I remember, as a child, believing one of the attributes of adulthood was having an impenetrable heart – being immune to heartbreak. I don’t know, looking back, if I assumed it was because their hearts had been broken so many times that they were just unaffected or if I just so strongly associated broken hearts with Disney princesses and princes that I was oblivious to the actual heartbreaking events of adulthood, but – whatever the reason – it’s never more evident than on these dark days that the best gift I can give my kids is that magic of childhood, the delight of unconditional love and shelter from the dark monsters lurking outside of my embrace and, very possibly, in the shadows of their imaginative minds.
Of course, the caveat of childhood is that it doesn’t last forever, but it’s never more evident than on these dark days; even the reminder ‘it doesn’t last forever’ feels futile. Days like today, I want to shake everyone and scream into their faces until they move with fervor to grab the babies, partners and friends their lucky to have within arms length.
Tomorrow – at best – is a hope, more time is never guaranteed and no amount of time is ever going to be enough. Hug those close to you and hang on a little longer tonight because like Joan Didion wrote in The Year of Magical Thinking, “Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.”
It’s Halloween weekend! We’ve spent most of our nights this week after the boys have gone to bed finishing our costumes but there are still a few finishing pieces I still have to put together. We’re doing a family costume and I’d tell you what it is but that would just spoil the surprise. We’re […]
Parenting is mostly about the little moments – the first words, the first teeth, the first steps, the long snuggles, the sweet giggles, the small hands, the first solo trip down the slide, the smiles at pick-up and long, warm hugs at drop off – but sometimes, just sometimes, parenting is about the big moments. […]
Last year, Seth and I planned our surprise wedding in a matter of four months. Still, to this day, I have people come up to me and ask me questions about how we planned it, what made us want to do it and about our friends’ reactions to the surprise. I have people all the […]
Of course I have new year resolutions and, of course, by March each year I’ve completely forgotten them. 2017, though, is GOING TO BE different. (I repeat: This year. will. be. different.) I’m going to write all of my resolutions down and hang the list on the bathroom wall next to the mirror, where I […]
The holidays around here put me in the mood for reminiscing, today I’m thinking back fondly on our little family’s first Santa tree. Before I had kids I don’t think I ever had a single holiday decoration in my apartment – for any holiday. I mean, let’s be serious, I didn’t have any decorations for anything. But after […]
I spent last Friday in a haze of sadness. I went to bed on Thursday evening praying for the girlfriend, daughter and family of Phil Castille, watching a video of Spike Lee saying the cops were hunting black people and woke up Friday morning to a CNN news anchor saying snipers were hunting white police officers with […]
Okay, so I’ve been holding back my excitement this week but the time has finally come. I’m taking a really, really quick trip to Denver this weekend to visit, reminisce, romp and booze with two of my favorite people ever, ABBY AND JEN! Jen literally just booked her flights yesterday because she’s child-free and, well, free to roam […]