It’s the most wonderful time of the year and it wouldn’t be complete without a few tidbits and wisdom from Marty.

“Go to sleep, Mannyyyy. Go to sleep, Manny! Manny? Manny, go to sleep.” Seth and I woke up one morning to Abbott sitting or lying in his bed telling Matty to go to sleep and giggling at himself. Little did he know, ‘Manny’ was fast asleep – in our bed.

“Mom! I see the moon but it’s broken?!” Matty recently realized the moon comes in many different shapes and sizes.

“Wait. Are you taking the caramel sauce home?”

“What am I supposed to eat?”
“Ehhh. Probably an orange?”

This was the conversation that took place between my dad and Matty the last time we were packing up to come home when my dad realized my mom had packed the caramel sauce for us to take because she’s  germ nut and every toddler is a double dipper.

“I SEE AN INSTIGATOR! I SEE AN INSTIGATOR!” I hope Matty calls excavators instigators forever.

“Well, Mom, yesterday you picked me up and I told my teachers my DAD was picking me up. Then YOU came. WHY did you have to do that?!??!!” With our schedule changes, Seth has been picking up and dropping off. You’d think it’d be exciting to see me at pick up every once in a while but every single time I get, “But where’s my dad?” Um. HELLO, I GREW YOU IN MY UTERUS, MY NAME IS MOM.

“Well, Mom. You have to have hot chocolate or else it’s not a ‘having a party’?” Matty telling me how a party works like I don’t know.

“I want to go home and go back to bed.” Matty, on his way to school – after sleeping a solid 10 hours. DITTO.

“We’re not going to die because we have bones!” Matty overheard Seth and I discussing you know who and N. Korea and this was his response. If only that was how it worked.

“Where’s the resternaut?! I need to go to the resternaut.” I’m going to start calling restaurants ‘resternauts’ too because it’s just too darn cute.

“I think I didn’t hid it?” Matty totally hid Seth’s phone and this was his hilarious attempt to keep him off the his trail.

“Dad, I want to steal everyone’s candy.”
“Do you want the cops to get you?”
“No. But, Dad, if they some to the party and they try to do that and they try to get me, I’ll say, ‘Hey. Cops! Don’t do that, okay?!”
Again, if only that’s how it worked. Also, is my kid a stoner without the weed?

“Mom, look. You know what Santa says? Santa says if the cops get me, they’ll go to a cage.” There’s been a lot of talk about cops since Matty ‘stole’ the candy at the craft store and I might be regretting it. Ugh.

“We’re going to see Santa.”
“Yeah, and you will come back and get me on Christmas, ok?”
“Wait. Where are you going?”
“Um, somewhere in the
“Who’s bringing you back?”
“That guy. That Santa guy.”
Discussing our visit to see Santa and Matty’s apparent plans to run away with a man he refers to as ‘that Santa guy’. He’s so cool. The things a boy will do for a Transformer.

“Ok, Mom, we’re going to get the toys and we’re going to go home.”
“There aren’t any toys here.”
“Yes, Mom. Santa has them.”
“Santa doesn’t have the toys with him, buddy.”
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeessss, he doessssss, Mom.”
At this point we had to stop talking because his disappointment was just too much to handle and he needed a hug.

I fucking love toddlers.

And Christmas.