My husband is a careful man. He’s cautious and predictable, sturdy and stable. He worries. He double and triple checks. He analyzes the placement of the knives on the countertop and not-so-slyly checks the lock on the oven door when I’m cooking dinner. He makes sound financial choices and he’s conservative with our money, despite […]

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Dear Spring, What the fuck are you doing? Stop being such a tease. Show the fuck up and stick around. It’s not that hard. Don’t, as Bic Runga would sing, come and go like you do. Quit, as the Backstreet Boys would sing, playing games with my heart. MY HEART IS FUCKING TIRED, ok?! My […]

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​Two of my best friends are coming to visit us this weekend and I’m so excited. The last time the three of us were together was last fall. Their visit just so happened to coincide with Seth’s 15-year high school reunion, so we spent our weekend together in a small town in western Iowa where […]

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So far today I have done the following: Woken up with hives Taken a cold shower (thanks to said hives) Left my keys in my house Realized I was locked out when I went to get said keys Broken in to the house with my library card (thanks to resourceful, and yet terrifying, instructions from […]

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I’ve let a few days pass since hundreds of thousands of kids across the country marched for their lives. I’ve let it all sink in. I’ve seen all of the footage, I’ve read a lot of the articles – from both sides, I’ve watched the interviews, I’ve tried to understand the other side of the […]

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Y’all. It’s a sad day in our house. Our very first family pet, Puppy, had to be put down last night. Or, more accurately, flushed down the toilet last night. Some of you might remember last year at almost this exact time (MIND BLOWING) I was uneasily unemployed and filling my days with home improvements, […]

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I would be rich if I had a dollar for every time I’ve uttered a phrase that started with, “Well, ever since I had kids…” In fact, just this morning I said it. It was 7:10 am and I was sitting in the quaint Quick Care office located within my local Hy-Vee and the doctor […]

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Do you all listen to podcasts? I’ve recently gotten really into them. I mean, of course, like the rest of the world, I listened to Serial and S-Town but other than that I’ve stayed out of the podcast game. Everyone seems to have a podcast so finding ones I like seemed daunting but I’ve been […]

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“I love you. And I love daddy – more.” Um, thanks?  “Hey, Mom! Did you know who calls me a dumbass?! Hazel. She said, “Matty, dumbass!” At least now I know Marty’s not the only three-year old in his class droppin’ it like it’s hot. “Last night Matty must have been dreaming about movies, he […]

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Is it just me or is parenthood basically a bunch of adults doing and thinking about a bunch of shit they never, in a million years, imagined they would ever do? Don’t lie. I know it’s not just me. I mean, have you ever had one of those moments where you find yourself doing something […]

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