I’ve been watching the olympics this week – I love them – as most Americans, but there are some ridiculous things happening down there in Rio. The first being Rio itself. Jesus.

Rio

It is absolutely fucking ridiculous that Rio is hosting the Olympics. Rio has no money to be hosting anything, let alone the Olympics – Brazil is in one of its greatest recessions in 100 years. But more so, and I say this with all due respect, it’s disgusting and unsanitary. It was reported last week that it would only take a person ingesting 3 (THREE) teaspoons of water to contract a serious virus because all of the water is contaminated by RAW SEWAGE. THREE TEASPOONS? Get the fuck out of here with that. And, of course, then there’s Zika – which the world should now prepare to spread in a matter of days after everyone returns home.

I get it, the athletes had a choice to go or not go, but commmmeee onnnnnnn, you guys!

Phleps

Michael Phelps is fucking ridiculous. IS HE EVEN HUMAN? Who wins 25 Olympic medals in their lifetime?! OH, the same guy who holds 20 GOLD MEDALS. Ok. Cool. NBD. (Ledecky is next. Fingers Crossed.) #stud

Those Shirts

You know what’s not awesome and completely ridiculous and I don’t care why they did it – those absurd long-sleeve shirts the women’s volleyball players had to wear (or chose to wear, I have no idea) under their bikini tops. Yes, in case you missed it, you read that right. They wore their teeny tiny bikini tops ON TOP of their black, long-sleeve shirts and it was totally impractical and made no sense. I read they designed their own bikinis and maybe they just love them so much they decided to wear them on top of their shirts but next time let’s maybe design a long sleeve top you can be that proud of, too? I mean…

Green Water

WHY IS THE WATER IN THE INDOOR POOLS TURNING GROSS GREEN?! AND WHY DOESN’T ANYONE KNOW WHY? Yes, I read this morning it’s apparently a chemical imbalance caused by too many people using the pools. Of course, I stopped reading after that because UM I think we’ve had enough Olympics to know this has never happened before and I mean, there aren’t suddenly more polo players on a team sooooooo….

USA Gymnastics

Ridiculously…..awesome! I think it’s pretty obvious I don’t have the body for gymnastics but when I was little I sure rocked a mean kart wheel and round off. Watching the USA women’s gymnastics team be absolutely, ridiculously amazing brings back some sweet memories of my youth. And watching Matty do “gymnastics” in the living room after watching their floor routines (which is pretty much exactly what you imagine it would be – except 17 million times better) has brought me laughs for days.

 

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!