If I had to pick one channel to watch for the rest of my life, it would be Bravo. Duh. I mean, it is the home to one of the best reality television shows ever, Vanderpump Rules. The appeal of VPR is undeniable. It’s trash but it’s not exactly trashy, no matter how serious it may get – it’s still 91% hilarious (like, laugh cry hilarious), regardless of how much money they may have you still feel just a little bit better about yourself afterwards and they’re so young that there’s still hope for them to become valuable members of society, so it’s not depressing! I mean, it’s the perfect balance. And to prove it’s also educational, I’m going to share with you the eight life lessons I learned this season. GET YO POPCORN.
The “cool girl” epidemic will never die.
There is nothing more off-putting than a “cool girl” – she’s the friend that will bitch your ear off about her boyfriend/husband not respecting her but at the same time, because she wants to be seen as the “cool girl”, let’s him do whatever whenever, talk to her however and never holds him accountable for anything. Like that time all the guys were planning a dudes trip to Vegas and Katie and Ariana weren’t having it – mainly because Tom CHEATED ON KATIE the last time he went to Vegas with the guys. (UM. YEAH.) Totally valid concern, right? Well, when it came down to talking to Tom about the trip she acted like it wasn’t a big deal – she even convinced Ariana to let her boyfriend go, too. And THEN, while the boys were gone, they had a girls-only party where they all made out with each other and Facetimed their boyfriends to tell them what they were missing…? Seriously, the curse of the “cool girl” is never going to die.
It is possible to never, ever grow up – but be careful what you wish for.
Two words: Jax. Taylor. The 70 y/o hot mess express. He proves that it is possible to nevvvvvver grow up – and that it’s actually the opposite of awesome. I mean who, at the age of 36 – while on vacation in Hawaii, gets drunk, steals sunglasses from a gift shop, gifts them to his girlfriend, goes to jail for it and then buys his girlfriend breast implants to apologize?!
Yeah, uh-huh, that could be you if you never grow up.
Men have just as much difficulty celebrating their friends’ success as women do.
I laugh everysingletime I think about this. Jax is so serious when he tells Tom to shut the fuck up about his fucking band it’s hilar. And then when he tells Tom to stop acting like the number one guy in the group because he is the number one guy in the group, I mean – what does that even mean? Honestly – the band is way better than anything Jax had going for him this season (which kind of says a lot) and he just let jealousy get the best of him.
Apology tours are actual things…and they actually work (on the right crowd).
I’ve always thought an “apology tour” referred to a pathetic apology from one insincere person to someone who wants nothing to do with them or their apology. But thanks to this season of VPR I realized there are people (possibly sincere) who actually do go around apologizing to everyone they’ve wronged. And in this case, it worked! They got to clear their conscience and, in the end, even scored more party invites. BAM!
We need more addiction awareness.
This one is serious. When Scheana Shay (yes, it’s her real name) found out that her husband was battling depression and had been taking prescription pain killers (sometimes ten in one day) and drinking simultaneously since before they even knew each other, she was at a loss. But with the help of her friends, they addressed his issues and put a plan together to help him – the plan included drinking in moderation (you know, getting drunk less often), eating more vegetables and home piss tests administered by none other than the lady of the house.
What. the. Fuck. Obviously we need a little more addiction awareness.
Commitment-phobes can still pull off a really good proposal.
I’m not a marriage girl but who doesn’t love a great proposal. Tom was so commitment phobed that he gave Katie a ring on a string (the worst), bought her a puppy and got a tattoo of her nickname on his ass in an effort to suppress her desire to be engaged. To top it all off, he can’t commit to a job but, don’t worry, had no problem getting a perm. BUT as hopeless as he sounds, he pulled off the most adorable proposal proving that there’s still hope for all the commitment-phobes out there.
There is a white Kanye.
Honestly, I’m not even sure how this guy gets laid or has friends but…to each their own.
MEN: Bros before hoes. WOMEN: Bae before my babes.