AHHH, Chatty Corner!

Both of the boys are talking non-stop now which is hilarious but there’s so much to jot down that I miss 80% of it. Matty’s thoughts are becoming more complex while Abbott is regularly saying, “Awe, not fair!” whenever he doesn’t like something. Whether it has anything to do with being fair or not. I hope I find them hilarious and endearing forever.

“Mom, Guess what? I counted all of my fingers to 11.” They’re getting so smart. 

“Look what Matty heared, FIREWORKS!” 

“Dad. Dad. I’m so happy the Hawkeyes won.” Matty’s newest “thing” is waking up in the morning and whispering random things to Seth. This was the morning after Iowa’s bowl game. He is just the cutest.

“No, it’s not funny! It’s not funny. No, Abbott, I’m the mom.”
“Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.”
“No, it’s not funny, I’m older now and I’m 34 years old.”
Bedtime has become the boys’ secret time to play pretend. This was the first time I’ve ever caught Matty pretending to be me. He’s very into ages and getting bigger. I’m very into keeping him pint-sized and 4.5 years old forever.

“Daddy, remember when I was zero?!!” Ugh, I barely remember. Where has the time gone.

“Dad. Did you know Dinosaurs are older than I am?” Dinosaurs are Matty’s life…

“Mom, God made the dinosaurs and us.” And he’s starting to teach us things about God and faith.

“Mom, are you scared of dolphins?” For a minute I felt silly for being afraid of dolphins but then I realized it was only because Matty is too young to discuss their rapey tendencies and so it was hard to explain why, yes, I am.

“Me and Abbott will dig the gold. And Dad, you will clean it.”
“What will mom do?”
“She can spend it!”
Discussing each family member’s role in our new gold digging adventure. SOMEONE is being heavily influenced by their dad. NOT GONNA NAME NAMES THOUGH.

“Dad, you know how you do a baby shower?”
“You hold up the baby and then you see a shooting star.”
“Oh, I like that.”

“Mom, did you do that at my baby shower? Did you hold me up and I see’d a shooting star?”
I have no idea where this idea came from but I just love the magical picture. Why better than what baby showers actually are. I told him I didn’t hold him up because he was still in my belly but that I did see a shooting star. 

“Matty, you should become an archaeologist.”
“Oh, yeah, good idea! You can travel the world and dig up dinosaur bones. See all the places —“
“Well, Mom! Maybe you can drive me in your car!!”
This was right before bedtime while we were all huddled in the boys’ room for story time.

“Well the credit cards aren’t the same.”
“Same as what?”
“Same as my other credit card.”
Last week when Seth dropped the boys off at school, Matty was upset because he had forgotten to bring something for show and share. So Seth gave him our old Target Card and told him to show his friends his credit card that we put money on when he does his chores and sleeps in his bed. This is something we’ve been telling the boys and they were both given cards to put in their wallet (come on, who carries cash around anymore?!) but now Matty constantly talks about his credit cards.

“Mom, I want to go to Disney World then Disneyland and then Bounce U, okay?”
Yes, all very similar experiences. I asked Matty last night if he’d rather see real whales in the ocean or go to Disney and he said, “Disney World because it’s SO much fun!” We’re not going to Disney World – ever, unless we somehow become millionaires – because we could probably all go to Fiji for the same cost and, well, gators. I would rather swim with dolphins.

“Don’t flush until you’re done.”
“I’M SORRY! Well, you don’t have to get my poop out!”

“Holy cow, that is a big one.”
“I’ve been waitin’ for it all day.”

And, of course, from now until forever, poop remains a top hot topic around our house. 


New year, new you. That’s what they say anyway. Fittingly, I started my new year with a detox. And let me tell you, if you’re looking for a detox that isn’t about your waist size but rather the weight of your soul, I’ve got one that made me feel so much lighter. CAN YOU EVEN […]

Continue Reading

This morning as we carpooled to work a little earlier than usual, the bags under my eyes practically resting on my lap and my newly colored roots looking a bit greasy, I wondered if I’d ever sleep again. I sat there in a trance while the kids pointed out the everyday sights. Seth glanced in […]

Continue Reading

I tend to ask myself, “Is this just my fucking life now?” I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately followed up with, “Is this just what four-year olds are like??” Four has been a weird ride – from beginning to get in trouble at school for making bad choices, to becoming a know it […]

Continue Reading

It’s been too long. Don’t call it a come back, guys. First of all, it’s 2019!  And I have a few thoughts on that: What?! HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thankfuckinggod. I mean, I don’t know about you but 2018 was really starting to chap my ass get on my nerves. Between all of the political junk, the […]

Continue Reading

Last week as we tucked the boys into bed, I asked Matty what he wanted for Christmas. He replied without hesitation. “I’m going to ask Santa for a Optimus Prime and a fingerling.” First of all you guys, what the fuck is a fingerling, right? I asked. “A fingerling is, uh, like, a animal that […]

Continue Reading

A lot of people have been talking about how they’re scared for their boys and I have to say, I am too. As a mom of two young boys, I’m terrified. I’m terrified that despite all the lessons between right and wrong Seth and I will teach over the course of the next 15 or […]

Continue Reading

It’s been a while. Hey, how are you?! Insert massive hug. Seth has been saying, “Babe, you gotta do an A and J!” on and off for a while now and my response has consistently been, “I know but I have nothing to write about.” And then last night he said, “BABE. You gotta blog. You […]

Continue Reading

You guys, I have really big news this morning. I don’t know if you’ll believe it. I don’t even know if I believe it. But I sent Abbott to school today in Fruit of the Loom underwear. That’s right ladies and gentleman, real underwear. The kind that leaks when you pee in it and sags […]

Continue Reading

I have a comondrum (that’s obviously what a conundrum on a Monday is called). Here is the scenario: You and your partner get invited to a party. It sounds like fun and you decide you’re going to try to get a sitter for your two (or more) little ones. You get a sitter. The day […]

Continue Reading