What are the guidelines on emotional support pets? Because this has my head spinning. Like, is that a thing? And how, exactly, does it work? You bought an airplane ticket for your peacock. I’m not an ornithologist but I don’t think a peacock is going to fit in one airplane seat. Jesus, I can barely fit in one airplane seat and the seat was designed for human bodies. And then there’s this quote from a supposed ‘airline staffer’, “I’ll take the majestic peacock over the 5+ dogs that have attacked my coworkers just this past holiday season.” Like, what? What is going on? People are getting wild. What’s next? Animal Airlines where you can literally fly from place to place in a petting zoo? *KNOCKING ON WOOD*
Kylie Jenner. Easily my least favorite Kardashian-Jenner but I’ve been hearing all of these rumors for so long, it’s like they’ve swallowed me up and now I, too, would like to know if she’s pregnant. In my core do I care? No. But somewhere, possibly getting closer to my core, is a genuine curiosity I’m indulging because it just let’s me focus on something else for a minute. Kylie, boy or girl?
Living in an RV. Ok. But have you seen how amazing they can look? Is there anything more whimsical? Don’t think about the close quarters with your kids, think about opening the door to a forest and open land. Don’t think about how hard intimacy would be without scarring your kids for life. Think about how romantic a dinner outside under the stars, in said open land on the edge of said forest, would be. Just think about it – for a second. Think about how easy it could be, how little space you’d have to clean and how few toys you could collect. Think about cozy evenings in matching PJs and the warm glow of the string lights you’d inevitably hang outside. Are you feeling it? Can you see it? You’re thinking about it now, too, aren’t you? We’ve been talking a lot lately about next steps; this while we build a home for, like, a year is the dreamiest idea.
The price of basketball tickets. As a University of Iowa alumna there is nothing more (well, I mean, there is – but you know) I want to share with my boys than the wonderful feeling of being part of the Hawkeye community. But I swear to God, I will die and dig myself out of my grave before I pay 400+ dollars to take my family of four to an Iowa basketball game, let alone to take them to see an 11-11 Iowa basketball team play an 17-8 Nebraska basketball team. Who in their right mind thinks that’s a reasonable idea? I paid $130.00 for Matty and I to go to an Iowa football game and watch them almost upset the #3 team in the nation from seats ON THE FIELD, not to mention partake in the best tradition in college sports (*waving*). Also. Is it just me or is it time to start having youth ticket prices for all games, not just one game a season. Get over yourselves, college athletics. If you’re not playing for the kids, who are you playing for? Rich old men? Boring.
Influenza – ALL the strains. Because, let’s be serious, if you’re not overthinking the flu, you’re not a parent in 2018.
DNA and genetics. I am obsessed with this new genetic and DNA trend. I want all the kits for all of my family members for all of the things. I want to know what’s in me, I want to know what’s in them, I want to know what it says about my health and my future, I want to know how I should eat and workout based on my DNA. I mean, basically, if it’s not determined by my DNA, I don’t want to know it.
Theater snacks. We saw Paddington Bear 2 a couple weeks ago; it was Abbott’s first movie and I honestly think it might have been the BEST children’s movie I’ve ever seen – which is saying a lot because I was previously living a life in which I sang the Circle of Life intro almost every day because, well, Lion King was God. BUT moving on, I spent a lot of time thinking about the amount of people in line at the concession stand. I thought everyone took their own candy to the movie theater?? Do people not do that anymore? I mean, not that I did because who would be so cheap – but…asking for a friend?