Buzzed buddies was a weekly series where I invited a guest to get comfortably inebriated and write a guest post on any topic of their choice. Like everything else, it feel off the tracks in late 2016, but new year means new goals – and why not ask my friends to get drunk and write down their feelings? So, here is your first Buzzed Buddy of 2017 – our very first BB of all time and my favorite forever roommate, Seth is back. I don’t edit these, so continue at your own risk.
Here we go.
NAAAAAAAAAAAAHZUPENYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADEEEPEEEDEEEPPPPPEEEEDUHDUHDUHDOOOOUGH! The KING OF BLOG IS BACK!
This is a real hard thing for me to do right now becayse I am typing while watching OU play in the sugar bowl…..good chance I throw this computer at one point so watch OUT! So a lot has happened since I last drank some whisk and got on the mic so I gots a lot of things to chat about. Top 10 things I need to discuss –
1 -Zoo People – I think I might have brought this up before but I fuckin’ HATE other parents or people at the zoo. I honestly thought that the creighton basketball fans/nebraska football fans would be watching the bowl game and it would be a slow day at the zoo BUT NO! Apparently everyone knew what I knew and Nebraska would get murdered so they came to see no animals at the zoo. FUCKING GET OOUUUUUUUTA THE MIDDLE OF THE LIED JUNGLE CAVES SO I CAN GET THRU THIS SWEATY HOT PLACE AS FAST AS I CAN! The stupid monkeys sitting there doing nothing suck, so stop staring. Also shout out to the Zoo for having Mikes Hard Lemonade in the summer!
2 – 1st birthday parties – I love Abbott and I love Matty and I love Megan and I love happiness but I really hate planning…I especially hate planning for the people I love. I didn’t do anything really I just said yes to Megan about things but that was stressful. Planning and making breakfast food that took 10 minutes to actually make pisses me off and I’ve decided to not have anymore kids now because of it!
3 – fruit – how hasn’t it been possible to make some sort of contraption to keep Matty’s half eaten bananaapplepears good after sitting in the living room for half a day?
4 – Water – I am still not even close to normal and Oklahoma just came up short on a third down. Can’t throw the computer……. can’t throw the computer – why won’t Jesse Palmer SHUT THE FRICK UP!
5 – Having to pee when you’re busy
6 – I am not going to vent about the state of the USA but I just hope that there’s enough people that have any sort of brain or conscience in the government to make sure DT doesn’t cause WW3
7 – Crock Pots – at first glance they’re so amazin and make the world so much easier but then you realize you didn’t put the fucking plastic bags in there and your meatballs and pork chops have been straight burning for 5 hours and you’ll have to clean that up soon…….
8 – Toe Nails – does anyone not get pissed about clipping them?
9 – Changing your life at New Years – Honestly, you’re a fucking SISSY if you think a new year has to make you change your life – BUT here I am talking about making a change in my life because it’s a new year. New Years are so weird – they’re new but they usually are just the same when it comes to your life….DEEP
10 – KID SCHPEEEEEEEEEEL – I remember when I was so soooo excited for Matheson to start communicating and just being able to make some little decisions for himself. Gonna be so awesome because he’ll just let me have some time to myself and be him….nah….nope…negative…..if he isn’t asking me “dada what is that…what you doing…dada, I watch minions…I don’t want to watch minions…..I watch train dragon….i “need” chocolate milk…”NO ABBOTT YOU DON’T TOUCH MY CAR” He’s nuts…I wished this on my poor Abbott? Yeah, I did….he’s worth every single grey hair… And I hope Abbott kicks his ass to makeup for this shit I’m putting up with….and baby #3 beats Abbott up for what he’ll put me through.
OU IS DRIVING AND I’M ALL DONE! BOOOOOOOOOOOMER
UPDATE: OU won and I think Seth only threw his phone across the living room twice. Pretty good start to 2017.