I have a comondrum (obviously that’s what a conundrum on Monday is called). I recently had someone insinuate to me that they shouldn’t be expected to support/be happy for a mutual friend because they’ve actually never liked them. Ever since that moment I’ve wondered if you have to like someone to support them. (To be fair, I wondered a lot of other things, too, like why in the fuck would you pretend to be their friend then? But that’s besides the point. Sort of.)
When you have kids a lot of things change. For me, since having Abbott, I’ve become more sensitive to the way people interact with one another, the way we treat each other. As a parent, I want to set a good example for my kids. I want them to respect other people. I want them to be respectable. I want them to be empathetic and open-minded. I want them to be inclusive rather than exclusive. I want them to be strong. I want them to know their worth but also recognize their shortcomings. I want them to be humble. I want them to be able to identify the things that are worth fighting for, but I also want them to respect themselves enough to know when it’s time to walk away – and I want them to have the strength to do so. I want them to care enough to defend others. I want them to be happy. I want them to be healthy. I want them to be loved.
I want them to love.
I’ve become so consumed with all of these wants that, at my core, I’ve changed. All of these things I want them to be, I also want to be. Unconsciously, I’ve done a lot of realigning and reprioritizing. Being a mom has made me value my time, I want to spend my time with people who love more than they judge, people who aim to support others and are comfortable putting others’ feelings ahead of their own. People who are aware of their influence and use it in positive ways. I’ve become weary of the facades of friendship so many perpetuate for reasons beyond my comprehension. I have a heightened intolerance for insincere people, false friendships and self serving agendas dressed up in a cheap message of goodwill to others. I’ve become aware of the pointless drama I entertained and indulged in before I became a parent and am surprised and saddened by the amount of negativity I helped perpetuate by judging others for choices that had no effect on me or anyone I cared about whatsoever.
I obviously had way too much fucking time on my hands before I had kids. Shit.
The world is full of assholes. I don’t want to be one of them and I don’t want my kids to be two of them. So, I’ve concluded I don’t need to like someone to support them. Silence can be a form of support when I have nothing good to say, I can be supportive by not perpetuating the negativity or feeding into drama, I can be supportive by choosing not to judge or be affected by other people’s life choices that have no effect on me.
I can see how there might be exceptions to this rule, but I can’t see why that matters.
Do you really have to like someone to support them? You tell me.