I have a comondrum (that’s obviously what a conundrum on a Monday is called) and I’m not an idiot, I get that science is actually really awesome but also, seriously, what is up with science’s obsession with breakfast?

As we all know, you’re NEVER supposed to skip breakfast if you don’t want to be fat. That’s what they say. That’s what, as a girl/woman, who has always been preoccupied by her level of fatness (because honestly you only realize how unfat or unugly you are in retrospect) I’ve clung to this truth for as long as I can remember. And I’m not even a breakfast person so it’s always been a battle for me BUT I tried anyway because, well, science told me I HAD to eat breakfast to be successful (and thinner).

But then, a few weeks ago I was lying in bed dreading my workout, doing a quick scroll through my Facebook newsfeed, when I saw easily the most annoying headline I’ve ever seen. It was something along the lines of “Forget what you think you know about breakfast”. Immediately, I was cursing to the Gods. I knew what was coming but I read it anyway – and (wouldn’t ya know?) it was exactly what I figured,some scientific study claiming we shouldn’t be eating breakfast because it is actually MAKING US FATTER. 

Um. SHOOT ME.

Then, yesterday, I’m (again) lying in bed, doing a quick scroll through my newsfeed when I see this: “Skipping Breakfast Makes You Fatter Than Having Two Breakfasts” … … …

&^@#()!@)(*$#&^% !^@^*#%!* *^T*@^#!^@

Is this real life?! SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT BE EATING BREAKFAST, SCIENCE?!

Ugh.

This is just a minor example of the confusion I suffer day in and day out because of pointless “scientific” studies. I mean, aren’t there real scientists out there (curing cancer and stuff) who are pissed that breakfast studies are stealing their thunder?? I mean, I know science is super awesome and we wouldn’t be anywhere without it, but is it really wrong to wish they’d just fucking leave breakfast out of it for awhile? Can’t we just chalk up weight loss for the rest of our lives as “eat healthy, stay active, lose weight” – I mean, that’s a fact, right??

Science, leave our breakfasts alone and just tell me what will make my hair grow 6 inches in a week, okay?

Obviously, that’s the sort of stuff that’s really important.