I want to go back off the grid, 1984 style. Forever.

I have a lot of patience for a lot of things but it’s getting harder and harder to bite my tongue when I’m talking to someone IN REAL LIFE and they are clearly, visibly, right in front of my face type-type-typing and swipe-swipe-swiping away on their phone. UM, HELLOOO? I’m standing right here? Speaking to you…? HEY! Did you hear what I just said to you – with perfect diction, in perfect english at a very audible tone while staring at your fucking forehead or ear or scalp (because your eyes were glued to your phone)?!?!? I mean, that’s the stuff I want to say but instead I politely trail off and wait 30 more awkward and annoying seconds for them to realize I’m still standing there and still talking-ish. And suddenly they just start talking like nothing ever happened! They have no idea that I said anything! They have no idea that they missed anything! And they start a NEW fucking conversation while waiting for whoever to respond or anyone to like their latest post that couldn’t fucking wait because apparently they have the fucking cure to cancer. I mean, that’s what I’m guessing because HI! STILL STANDING HERE. IN REAL LIFE (IRL).

Ugh. And I’m guilty, too. I am. I even feel like I do it all of the time but I also feel like there’s still hope for me because at least I realize it and acknowledge it. At least I apologize. But the thing is, less and less people are apologizing. Less and less people care when someone is sitting at a dinner table across from them with their head buried in their phone. Less and less people are making an effort to be present and less and less people are even bothered by it because we are the definition of L A Z Y – we’re also becoming way too self-entitled.

We say things like, “This is life now” and “Sorry, this is important” and “Just one more sec” and “I’ve gotta do this right now” and “Hold on, I’m reading this” and “Wait, Jerry sent me this thing and I have to look at it really quick” and “hahaha HAHA omg you have to see this”. We say these things to people who are standing right in front of us, wanting our attention, giving us their attention, taking time out of their day to fucking stand there just for us to make them wait for something that can LITERALLY wait – and in most cases, something that does not matter AT ALL.

My time is no more valuable than your time and your time no more valuable than those you surround yourself with in real life, so let’s stop acting like it is.

For the love of all humanity, let’s just stop.

It’s pissing me off. It’s stupid. And if my kids grow up to be this way, I will pull my hair out one by one and set each piece on fire with a separate match just to fucking watch it burn because what the fuck else will I have to do? I mean, at this rate, IRL will be a miserable, bleak world full of zombies on a variety of shiny new technological devices!




Ok, now that I’ve made my point, look around you, notice all the things walking around on two legs?

Yeah, hug the closest one next to you.

Or don’t. But, I mean….