Well, here we are, one episode away from a seven million year hiatus until season eight. I don’t know what I’m going to do, the anxiety is real. I fanmommed all the way through episode seven last night. We had to pause it SO many times and I haver never been more certain that Matty has some sort of Game of Thrones sixth sense that triggers him to interrupt just when shit is getting good. Last night his pillows and stuffed animals kept falling off of his bed (strange) and so, of course, because he couldn’t get them himself (a weird post-bedtime phenomenon) he had to come out and ask us to help him every five minutes. And then of course because he was out of bed, Aboott had to be out of his bed, too, and he can’t just BE out of his bed, he’s running around with one of those push toys with the bubble and the popping balls. THEY OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR WESTEROS.

Anyway. Last night was emotional and, yet, hilarious so let’s get to it.

  1. I think I laughed more last night than I have at ANY other episode of GoT and I mean, like, I laughed out loud. The first time I laughed might not have been meant to be funny but I sure thought it was. It was when Arya and Sansa were talking about the past.  As Arya laid into Sansa about betraying her family Sansa tried to defend herself by saying “You never would have survived what I survived.” HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Okay, Sansa. I’m pretty sure none of those douche bags you suffered through wouldn’t have survived AND Littlefinger would be dead if Arya had been in your shoes. SOMEONE SAVE US FROM SANSA, PLEASE. I wish she’d just run into the woods with Littlefinger and never be seen or heard of again.
  2. “You’re with Brienne of fucking Tarthe.”
    “Well, I’m not with her yet but I see the way she looks at me –”
    “How does she look at you? Like she wants to cut you up and eat your liver?”
    “You do know her.”
    – Tormund + the Hound, power couple 2017
  3. Speaking of the boy band of 2017, they headed north of the wall to capture a white walker looking rugged, weathered and ready to conquer the world. But then the entire white walker nation descended upon them and it didn’t look good. That is of course UNTIL Dany and her dragons showed up. In my opinion, it was dumb they went without a dragon in the first place and now, shocker, Viserion is dead, well in the army of the dead. THE THIRD WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO – the worst being if all of the dragons had died. I cried real tears when Dany showed up, I don’t really know why but I was SO into it. And I cried during the two minutes I thought Jon Snow had died. BUT THANK GOD HE DIDN’T.
  4. Am I the only one who doesn’t understand uncle Benjen? Like, is he part dead or just exiled or, like…what? Every time he shows up I think he’s a new person. I don’t know, maybe I’m the only one but I don’t think so. He just magically appears at the right time. What is with him?!
  5. Dany and Jon are TOTALLY IN LOVE AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO. Even though she said last night that he’s too small for her (which I HATED by the way – who has time for girl talk?!?! STOP, DANY) she knows just as well as I do that he is NOT too small for her. Also, this week’s too early prediction – she’ll have a baby and it will be Jon’s before this whole thing is over. TARGARYENS FOR LIFE.

Looks like we’re ALL heading to King’s Landing next week and I can’t even to begin to imagine the psycho Cersei will be. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, YOU GUYS?!