I’m not exactly the lovey dovey type. I’m not really into any sort of PDA. I loathe Valentine’s day. And I’m really, REALLY, really skeptical of beautiful couples (Are any of them actually happy?!). But anyway, you know who doesn’t seem to have any issue with PDA or hate Valentine’s day?

Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton.

Could there be a more annoying couple? I don’t even read tabloids and I’m annoyed with them. Everywhere I turn Gwake Stelfton has posted another couple selfie – oh look, here they are together on one of those giant chairs from The Voice, here they are in the woods in their matching camo outfits (wtf), here they are in dumbass Halloween costumes, here they are pretending to be football fans, here they are on a tractor, here they are just casually taking selfies in a parking lot with Adam Levine. Barf. And when I’m not romping on around on the internet trying to mind my own business, there one of them is on TV gushing about the other like a teenager in their first relationship. During the Grammy’s Gwen had a 3 minute commercial1 in which she debuted her new single that (OF FUCKING COURSE) is about Blake. During Ellen she’s bouncing around giggling pretending she doesn’t want to talk about her super cute bf, omg, xoxo.

They just WILL NOT STOP acting like the only thing either of them have going for them is their relationship. We all know that’s not true, SO WHY MUST WE SUFFER?!

You know, I just thought we had more in common. I guess, as Gwen would say, “I don’t know why I cry but I think it’s cause I remembered for the first time since I hated you that I used to love you.”

RIP to my inner fangirl.

But on the bright side, MY LOVE FOR NO DOUBT WILL NEVER DIE!


1. Yes, I realize it was a live video after watching her on Ellen, okay? But at the time I thought it was some extended Target commercial and, can we level up, it may as well have been.