I’ve been trying to gather my thoughts and simultaneously bite my tongue on the topic of adult mean girls but, as is probably obvious, I’m not very good at biting my tongue. So, now that I’m not planning a surprise wedding and trying to keep 700 mini-fibs and secrets straight, here I am…

While I was planning the wedding, there was a story that went viral about a little boy who was so badly bullied not only by classmates but by teachers that he committed suicide. He felt like he had no where to go – his teachers were assholes, his classmates were assholes, the school executives refused to protect him (aka they were mega-assholes) and his parents who tried and tried to help were rendered helpless. Today, his parents are mourning his absence. Now, around the same time that this story went viral and the topic of bullying surfaced yet again, I had been consequentially hearing several unrelated stories from different women about recent encounters with adult mean girls. In every story, these mean girls were caught talking mega amounts of shit about people they didn’t even know, making personal comments and judgements on other people’s personal lives and women’s spouses and significant others. These asshole women were mothers and mothers-to-be, they were colleagues and in positions in which other women confide in them.

Now, I know everyone talks shit – but trust me when I say this level of shit talking was not for the faint of heart. None of it was done for personal gain – there was no gain to be made – and while I can’t pretend to know their reasoning, I can only assume these women are bitter, jealous, unhappy and insatiable creatures from the underworld who have too much time on their hands and were never taught how to act. I mean, maybe I’m naïve because I had no idea, as adults, that people still invested so much time in being complete assholes for absolutely no reason whatsoever but JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE MOTHEREFFING FUCK.

These women are fucking bullies – and, in case you missed it, they’re mothers. MOTHERS – like, raising children – influencing young minds – teaching mini humans how to act and interpret the world around them. And we wonder why our kids are such assholes or constantly getting bullied. HOW DO WE WONDER?! There are teachers, grown adults in the teaching profession, who bullied a student – and even if they didn’t bully him, they didn’t protect him – and now he’s dead. Don’t give me the bullshit argument about how all of our kids are giant softies these days, soft or not they shouldn’t be so badly picked on that suicide is their only solution. Can you imagine being a 13 year old and feeling so strongly that things will never get better that you are willing to never see your family again? To take your own life?? To never realize your potential? Can you imagine being his parent? Can you imagine the guilt? The anger? The emptiness? The overwhelming grief?!

And maybe kids are softer, maybe parents do coddle but maybe the mean kids are meaner, maybe our communities aren’t as trustworthy – maybe, as a society, we’re so hellbent on personal gain and competition that we’ve lost that paternal urge to protect and defend our youngest – regardless of who they belong to. Maybe we’re becoming so divided that we no longer want to believe it takes a village because we don’t trust that village. It takes one bad apple to ruin it for everyone, so if you’re an adult asshole who finds it hard to be happy for others or to mind your own business or to not judge other people’s choices or lifestyles or style, thanks a whole fucking lot for reproducing – it’s super encouraging. Hopefully someday your kids will be smarter than you, kinder than you and more of a benefit to society than you.

For everyone else, I promise to do my best two raise two lovers with common sense enough to know how treat others and the courage to do what’s right.

You in?