Last week while driving in the car I said something to Seth about my whiskers (if you don’t know what those are, fuck you for being perfect) and we launched into this conversation. I was telling him how he’d have to pluck my whiskers for me if I ever couldn’t and he was not on board – at all. But you know the beauty of true love? I know he’ll pluck my whiskers when I’m old and he knows I will trim is nose hairs and pluck his weird two-toned ear hairs when he no longer can. These unfortunate tasks are the things that fall in between those explicit lines of vows, maybe they’re part of the fine print somewhere. I don’t  know, I can only assume because who really reads the fine print? I’m sure no one that reads this blog does…but again, I can only assume.

As of today, Seth and I have been married for a whole, whopping four weeks – on Sunday it will officially be one whole month. It seems absolutely impossible that the best night ever was already a month ago but you know what they say, the sun dial doesn’t lie (💨). In honor of this momentous occasion, I have rewritten a commonly swooned over passage to be more accurate and realistic based on what I now know.

The passage that’s been shared probably hundreds of thousands of times between girls and women alike is as follows:

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘that’s her.’

I don’t know who wrote that and I suppose it’s good enough but I’ve got a a different variation to share…

Find a man who knows you’re a hot mess but still believes you’re beautiful, who always picks up the phone, who will lie in bed and fall asleep listening to your shitty reality television shows without bitching. Wait for the guy who hugs you every morning and kisses you at the end of every day, who belly laughs at your jokes and partakes in your antics – but does not, under any circumstances, put up with your shit. The guy who shows you how much he loves you, who doesn’t just say it – eventually, this is the guy who will wake up with the baby even when it’s your night because he knows you’ve had a rough day, the guy who will tweeze your whiskers when you’re too old and frail to do it yourself and the guy who will sacrifice Saturday football for a family trip to the pumpkin patch or the zoo because memories are made by doing – and experiences are everything. 

Wait for the guy who listens to you, doesn’t just hear you. The guy who doesn’t really get the concept of “showing somebody off” because he doesn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. The one who enjoys hanging out with you, who makes you laugh and complements your heart the best. Wait for the guy who treats you with respect, respects your values and your brain, who makes you happy, the one who embraces your flaws and your differences and *very importantly* navigates your hormonal mood swings with great ease. Mostly, stick it out with the one whom you always have fun with because life is rarely fun on it’s own and sometimes it’s just downright shitty – and, as you know, it’s way too short for anything but.

Are you choking on the sappy, corniness yet?!

One month in, way too many – and yet not enough –  to go…



Seth, this one’s for you (and my inner Paula fangirl)…I love you both the same.