It may be Friday but Fridays are not exempt from being one of those days. You know, one of those days where you literally wonder how in the hell you survive a single day by yourself. Actually, this week has just been one of those weeks. My week started off by almost setting my house on fire. I was boiling some water and coconut oil to make some wild rice, Seth was gone golfing, Abbott was sleeping and Matty was having a little pre-bed watermelon when all of a sudden literal flames started coming out of the stove top. The water/oil had boiled over and all hell was breaking loose. Matty started yelling, fire! fire! HOT HOT HOT HOT! while excitedly kicking his legs and laughing like an evil minion. At the same time, I was scrambling to get the pot off of the burner and mentally trying to find a calm place to rationally decide how to handle the situation (can I put water on that? WTF?). Luckily, I took care of it but not before the house had filled with a white, hazy smoke and a gross stench of moldy campfire. Matty thought it was hilarious though, and I don’t know if that’s good or bad but it helped after the fact to know that he hadn’t been scarred for life (well, in that moment).
So, that was Monday. Yesterday, I thought it was Friday pretty much all day until I was getting ready to leave work. Right as I went to leave it started down pouring and, because I had things to do, I decided to take my chances at getting wet – after wrapping my head and my purse in cheap trash bags. Let me tell you how that went. As I “ran” to the car the cheap ass trash bag on my head kept covering my face so I couldn’t see where I was going (THROUGH A PARKING LOT – which is obviously dangerous for everyone involved). Eventually I was having a hard time breathing with my face wrapped in plastic and I kept running through giant puddles, so I just took it off. When I finally got to the car, I realized my car keys were in my purse. The same purse I had wrapped in another cheap ass trash bag so I had to rip that off and try to find my keys (which prayers to anyone trying to find anything in my purse). Needless to say I got in the car – hair soaking, clothes soaking and water literally dripping into my eyes. I wasn’t a mile from the office when, miraculously, the rain had slowed to a drizzle. 5 miles, later no rain. When I got home, an optimistic person would have called it sunny. As Janet Jackson would say, that’s just the way love goes.
So that was yesterday, when I thought it was Friday. But then this morning (actually Friday) I literally clamped (and burnt) the side of my face with my hair straightener as I was getting ready. Yup, you read that right. Who does that? How do I get through the day? How am I raising children? Who entrusted me the task of being an independent adult?!
I mean, seriously, why am I 32 years old and still randomly burning my face with heated hair appliances??? OR maybe more appropriate, how am I 32 years old and still alive?
It’s just been one of those weeks but of course because that’s usually how it works. The longest weeks are, somehow, followed up by long relaxing (fingers crossed) holiday weekends. So have a good one. And take my advice, if the igniter on the grill isn’t working – DO NOT PUT YOUR FACE IN IT while you manually light it. Also, don’t turn it on high if it doesn’t work the first time. I learned that lesson the hard way and my eyelashes have never been the same – my arm hair came back fine though (of course).
AGAIN, how am I 32 years old and still alive???