Two weekends ago, Seth and I decided we were going to take the boys to one of those Halloween pop-up stores. We thought it would be fun for them to walk around and look at all of the costumes to get an idea of the things they could be and a good way to get into the Halloween spirit. Well, I’m just going to go out on a limb and say we can go ahead and put the Halloween store right up there on the list of things parenthood has ruined. Yeah, we’re going to just slide it in there right under fireworks. Those were fun, too, once upon a kid-free time.
I mean, I get it, Halloween is a holiday for all ages and there are some people out there who LIVE to scare the motherloving shit out of everyone else. But can’t we – like – separate the two for a friendlier shopping experience for EVERYONE (namely, my children). Can’t we at least get the terrifying 7-ft motion-sensored tree designed to grab anyone who walks by out of the fucking entry way?! Jesus, once my kids got in there they didn’t want to leave because they were so terrified of the tree but they also didn’t want to be inside with all of the terrifying clown masks, skulls and spiders so we were basically in hell. Maybe that was the point? If so, I will be making my kids’ costumes for at least the next 7 years. KUDOS.
There is a reason parents are fun haters by the time our kids are old enough to enjoy the world and this is exactly it. We get so excited to do and share things with our kids and then when we do them they either hate it or hate us for taking them or WE hate it and, over time, we just start to hate crowds and waits and fun. DON’T CALL ME A PESSIMIST WHEN YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT. I don’t hate all fun yet but I could literally list tens of places I used to think it would be fun to take my kids that I would never even dream of taking them, even if I was high and coming off of anesthesia. Outdoor music festivals, Six Flags, Disney World, the mall of America (or any mall for that matter), any sort of traveling that requires more than one plane ride that’s longer than 45 minutes, any city with area population, public transportation. Honestly, you name it and I’ll have to think really deeply about if it’s worth it.
I’m hoping avoiding these things now will help me retain my youthfulness and get me hyped to take them later in life when they’ll be appreciative…but who knows when that will be. Will it ever be??
OKAY, FINE. You can call me pessimistic Polly. But only today. NO FUN FOR ANYONE.