I wish the world could see me right now, in all my glory. I’m in bed drinking chicken broth out of coffee mug, nibbling on crackers and watching American Housewife. In bed next to me is one of those across-the-head thermometers, a bottle of Tylenol, a bottle Tums, half a roll of toilet paper and a print out of how to ease the symptoms of Strep Throat given to me by the doctor. The floor next to my bed is littered in crumpled up tissues and my nightstand is covered in drinking glasses. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for the last day and a half and I’ve literally choked on multiple jellybeans in the last 24 hours because I can’t swallow anything that’s not 82% liquid (what can I say? I don’t give up easily).

So, needless to say I have Strep and I’m struggling. I mean, when you can’t swallow a diligently chewed up Starburst Jellybean, certain things are just off-limits (re: giving a fuck). Yesterday, I woke up with swollen glands, a sore throat and a slight fever. Went to quick care, tested positive for Strep, came home and wondered how in the world I got Strep. I have no tonsils and Matty has had Strep 120938578320 times and I’ve never gotten it, so it just seemed strange that no one in our home has had Strep for approximately one month and suddenly I have it. BUT, to no avail, Seth took Abbott to the doctor to get his ears, a sore on his nose and some eczema checked out only to find out his nose sore was Impetigo which much to my surprise can apparently also be caused by the same bacteria as Strep. And so, the pediatrician concluded that I probably got my Strep throat from Abbott.

Key thing to note: Both Strep and Impetigo are spread through direct contact.

SO, I basically ingested Abbott’s nose fluid and Impetigo bacteria and contracted Strep throat. To non-parents that probably seems extremely disgusting but to parents, I’m sure this is no surprise. It’s really my fault; I had gotten cocky with my immune system. Walking around during flu season thinking there’s no way there’s anything out there I haven’t been exposed to since the kids were born. It’s like the badge of parenting, right? If I didn’t have a tissue in the my nearby vicinity, I’d use the bottom hem of my dress or skirt or, at times, even the end of my sleeve, rolling it up afterwards to 100% (HAHA) prevent any sort of spreading germs. Without thinking, I’d cover my kids’ mouths when they were about to cough or sneeze to prevent others from falling victim to whatever they might be carrying. I let them kiss me, drool on me, slobber on me, cough and sneeze on me and now I can’t swallow a jellybean.

That’ll teach me to play with fire. For at least a month. Or until I’m caught in public without any wipes or tissues and a child with a faucet for a nose.

On the bright side, the strep throat diet is super restricting and I’m feeling lighter (and more light headed) by the second.