There is something about Wednesdays that make me want to listen to terrible (awesome) music. I don’t know what it is! It’s the middle of the week and we’re that much closer to the weekend, maybe I just need a little nostalgia to take me back to my clubbin’ days? Who knows. Maybe I just like living my life rebelliously on Wednesdays by secretly listening to terrible music and having the time of my life. Either way I’ve been listening to terribly awesome music all morning and it’s been the best idea I’ve had all week.
I want to share that joy with you, so I’ve compiled the TOP TEN BEST WORST SONGS I’ve been obsessed with in my lifetime. And when I say obsessed, I mean on-repeat-for-weeks, lose-my-shit-when-it-comes-on-at-the-bar obsessed. Forgive me for what’s ahead.
10. Coming in at 10, we’ve got Thalía and Fat Joe, I Want You. I have no idea why I was so obsessed with this song but dear God, it played all day and all night when I was 19. I was going to school at the time in Hawai’i and I remember I’d strut through downtown Honolulu with this song blasting through my headphones like I was a fucking pop star – oh, is that embarrassing? It would be if I didn’t still do that shit – but I do. Every morning. You think I really run? No, I dance. That’s why I do it so early.
LISTEN, you can take the girl out of her youth but you can’t take the pop star out of the girl, ok? Whatever…
9. If you don’t know Jenny from the Block, you don’t know anything about America. I wish I could tell you how many “choreographed” dances I’ve put together for this song. Oh God. IT IS SO GOOD. But let’s be serious, if anyone named Jen walked up to you on the street and innocently said “Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still Jenny from the Block – used to have a little now I have a lot.” like you should give a shit – you’d either absolutely hate them or you’d be terrified. WHO THE?! BUT THIS SONG IS EXACTLY WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE.
8. All I have to say is that this song brought everyone to the floor at the Pipeline Café in 2003. EVERYONE. I honestly cannot tell you how many times I’ve broken a sweat dancing to this song. And I totally blame the beat because I can only understand 60% of what’s going on in the lyrics.
7. This is a song about driving a fucking moped downtown and at the age of 31 there was, like, a month when I couldn’t listen to it enough. I don’t think you need to be a genius to figure out what’s wrong with that. It’s so bad it’s fucking amazing. And the video is equally as amazing. The guy singing sounds a little like Freddie Mercury, is weird as fuck and I have a total crush on him. If you’ve never danced to this, well you obviously have no rhythmic taste. Or maybe you actually have taste. Meh.
6. This is so embarassing but I once had a crush on Fat Joe. I was, like, 20 and obviously having a severe identity crisis. CAN YOU IMAGINE? Anyway, I was obsessed with this song and convinced I was a way better rapper than Remy Ma.
To be clear, I can’t rap but I can LEAN BACK with the best of them because gangstas don’t dance or boogie…
5. In college one of my friends was dating this dude from Detroit who was on the basketball team, he wore baggy everything and always had a do-rag on under is cap. He was really quiet but I will never forget one of the first conversations we had. He asked me who my favorite rapper of all time was and without even thinking I said, “Eh, I think it’s probably Chingy.”
He then looked at me and said, probably the last thing he ever said to me, “Megan. If anyone ever asks you who your favorite rapper of all time is again, just say Jay-Z, alright? Trust me.”
I’ll never forget the look on his face. Or his advice. Fuck me.
4. We have the same last name. We’re basically twins. This song is so bad but I literally lived and breathed Candy for, like, a year. My life was only going to be complete if I was blonde, anorexic looking and a terrible dancer. This was the beginning of my first identity crisis…ok, yes, I’m racially confused, OKAY!?
3. Do you guys remember Destiny’s Child? WHO DOESN’T?! I wish I had enough influence to peer pressure Bey, Michelle and Kelly into reuniting but seeing as I’m literally not even on the same planet as any of them, it’s probably never going to happen. This song is a ridiculous song about butts and jelly and envy and I will never not go full volume when it’s on. The world will never be ready for this jelly.
2. This isn’t really a BEST WORST song as much as it is the BEST WORST phase I (and everyone else on Earth) went through. I was an NSYNC girl through and through and, thanks to JT, it’s clear that even my awkward, depressing teenage self could spot what real talent was (yeah, I’m looking at you BSB fangirls).
YOU GUYS. THOSE EYES! I’m swooning over here. #NSYNC4L.
1. I would never dream of lying to you. So, I’m not going to. I was ob.sessed with Brandy’s Never Say Never Album. And while I know everyone was really into The Boy is Mine, I was a real fan and therefore, my favorite song wasn’t even a single – until it was but that’s besides the point. This song reminds me of high school, TRL and those days I still secretly watched Brandy’s version of Cinderella (RIP Whitney) way too much. Oh, the nostalgia. I still love this song. It’s the best of the worst mostly because, wow, Brandy’s life really took a turn, huh? I saw her on Dr. Oz when I was on maternity leave and my teenage self was super relieved that both of us we’re coming out on top.
Just SITTIN ON TOP OF THE WORLD.
I feel like we’ve really connected today.